NEW YEAR!

 The last time I posted something here was like, last year.

but its okay since nobody really reads my blog...  i will update it right now.

I'm actually not good in writing or posting things like this... I mean I am not a good writer. Unlike my friends, they're really good at this. and i suck. okay?

now for the record i just want to type things that i would want to say about my year last year.

last 2012, things were the same as usual but, i had some problems with fitting in. or being the 3rd party.
by 3rd party i didn't mean boyfriend or girlfriend thing. because i really don't have any. okay? just to make it clear...  i feel like i am always the third option when it comes to friendship. no matter what happens. i am always the last option, my friends choose this friend of mine who is also close to me, is present. okay let's just give my friend a name... but just an object... how about wings?

okay wings is well she is nice and i love her, i don't hate her. i just hate the fact that people choose her over me? you know what i mean? like when she's not around those people who loves her just go with me and choose me as their second or last option. and when i am with my friends i am always the body guard. the last in line with no one to talk to and no one to open up with. i haven't have that someone who would actually listen and try to unlock my darkest secrets and remember the things i don't like, example. i don't drink soft drinks and even my close friends tend to forget that i don't drink soft drinks right? so i think i am alone in this world and i can't share it to someone who would talk back give advice and tell me what to do or just comfort me or something... i haven't found that someone who would always stick with me and know all my thoughts without any doubt. know the things i love and the things i don't.

but i guess its hard to find someone like that in this world full of judgmental bitches.

another problem i had is this group of boys in my class, they tend to watch every mistake you do and guess what? they make fun of you OR they give you this nicknames with deeper and meaner meanings that would really hurt you. they said being yourself is okay, but its. not when some people watch your every move and make fun of you for just making one big mistake and they make fun of you and it hurts. its like why do they do this? it feels like every time i move i feel like they talk about me. i think they hate me. and i can't help but think that every day i need to behave in my best behavior and act like someone else just for them to not judge me. its so hard.

people watching your every move without knowing that they are killing you inside... with their lustful and shitty words that hurts you to pieces. my friends told me you shouldn't mind. BUT its hard! its like you are not wanted in that place because they talk shit about you and its hard to fit in. like placing one vegetable with a group of fruits... you're left out. which is not cool.

so if anyone is out there or something.. can you please leave a comment below? i would appreciate that. thanks :D

xx, danzel