She is trying.

I used to believe in fairytales, true love. Hoping that maybe one day; I will find him.

We as children all hope that we get the love  that our parents share for each other. We believe that one day we will meet someone like our father for instance. But, what if they themselves have problems with that. I mean, life is a race full of obstacles that we must face and them as adults should show us what its like to be happy... I can't express my feelings, I just realized that I am not happy at all. I read this saying yesterday that when someone laughs at simple things it means they are lonely inside. In short, sad. And, what better example would it perfectly fit to rather than me.

I don't want to share my feelings to anyone else since its a family matter and I should just wait and be patient... I'm trying and I think I am loosing it. I am not okay. I don't want fights or anything that includes screaming and constant blamings on each other. I would love to have that happy family and just enjoy life the way it used to be. They ruined the meaning of love in front of my face and I try to hide my sadness and pain because I don't want a broken family and I seriously hate drama's that is why everytime I am in one, I choose the easy path, no more fighting.

I know that marriage is a big deal and so is having kids, my dad is the stupidest thing that ever happened to my mom. I thought my dad was loyal and true, but his not. What makes him think that I would love to marry again? I don't believe in those kinds of shit anymore either way; someone is going to be hurt end of story.  I know that it seems wrong to think like that, but I seriously think that I would rather end up alone and sad than be in a relationship full of doubts.


I don't know what to think anymore. This is getting out of hand and I just want to run away from all these pain.