I have feelings too...
They say that College is fun, but for me its not that FUN... unlike high school. I mean I really have this set of friends who would shoulder me through whatever shit I have gone through, or what my state is at the moment. It is true that I do hold grudges against people in my past and I think its something that I can't avoid because I really can't.
I don't know why? Maybe, I am struggling with personal pain and trust issues, that I myself can't solve. I don't know. Maybe I am going crazy? or just paranoid? I sometimes think that having that one person to hold on too would be pain and I don't like pain. Because sometimes I trust too much and I really don't like the feeling of betrayal even if I do that sometimes. I am the kind of person who can have this one person close and then the next year that we are not classmates... I am still talking to her but not that much... Unlike before. You know what I mean?
This blog is my freedom of speech, my diary/journal or whatever shit drama thing you call it. I don't care. It is my personal space and I can write whatever I want as long as my blog remains private and no one reads it... or comments on my posts.
Being in an all girl school is hard because I used to hangout with boys during my senior year... Like my group of friends were all dudes and one girl me and Sheena. I don't know... Maybe because we are in one section and it is hard to be friends with other girls if the girls you get along with is in the other section. I mean I do love my school I am actually enjoying it. It's just that I don't like it when I have the opportunity to hang out with other people there is this certain awkwardness because I don't usually hangout with this girl. Let's put an example here.
I always go home by walking since my school is like inside a village I need to get out of the village in order to catch a jeep. And, every time I do get out of school there is this group of girls whom I always walk with whenever I go home. I don't know I just can't talk to them because its like they're a click and you would feel the void and distance and you're just wishing that you could just disappear and be gone for that moment. But when we reach the gate of the village that is when we separate and I always end up being with Molly and whenever we ride the jeep we don't talk that much. She doesn't even talk unless I talk so I guess we could never have that friendship? I don't know. I have talked with Jassy and Andrea but it seems awkward now since they have their own clicks now. I have 2 people to hangout with... and I have this friend whom I still have doubts about.... someone. haha I don't know maybe its because of having trust issues and I really don't trust people who talks about other people like her group of friends are smart but their attitudes are shitty. Thank God they have brains... its just their attitude is shitty sometimes and I really don't mind that. But to be involve in that kind of situation... That I can't bear.
I don't know why? Maybe, I am struggling with personal pain and trust issues, that I myself can't solve. I don't know. Maybe I am going crazy? or just paranoid? I sometimes think that having that one person to hold on too would be pain and I don't like pain. Because sometimes I trust too much and I really don't like the feeling of betrayal even if I do that sometimes. I am the kind of person who can have this one person close and then the next year that we are not classmates... I am still talking to her but not that much... Unlike before. You know what I mean?
This blog is my freedom of speech, my diary/journal or whatever shit drama thing you call it. I don't care. It is my personal space and I can write whatever I want as long as my blog remains private and no one reads it... or comments on my posts.
Being in an all girl school is hard because I used to hangout with boys during my senior year... Like my group of friends were all dudes and one girl me and Sheena. I don't know... Maybe because we are in one section and it is hard to be friends with other girls if the girls you get along with is in the other section. I mean I do love my school I am actually enjoying it. It's just that I don't like it when I have the opportunity to hang out with other people there is this certain awkwardness because I don't usually hangout with this girl. Let's put an example here.
I always go home by walking since my school is like inside a village I need to get out of the village in order to catch a jeep. And, every time I do get out of school there is this group of girls whom I always walk with whenever I go home. I don't know I just can't talk to them because its like they're a click and you would feel the void and distance and you're just wishing that you could just disappear and be gone for that moment. But when we reach the gate of the village that is when we separate and I always end up being with Molly and whenever we ride the jeep we don't talk that much. She doesn't even talk unless I talk so I guess we could never have that friendship? I don't know. I have talked with Jassy and Andrea but it seems awkward now since they have their own clicks now. I have 2 people to hangout with... and I have this friend whom I still have doubts about.... someone. haha I don't know maybe its because of having trust issues and I really don't trust people who talks about other people like her group of friends are smart but their attitudes are shitty. Thank God they have brains... its just their attitude is shitty sometimes and I really don't mind that. But to be involve in that kind of situation... That I can't bear.
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