I don't know.

 Sometimes, I wish I was a pretty girl. A pretty girl by society itself. I don't know why. Maybe because I wanted to experience the feeling of being on a relationship and having someone to care and love you for who you are. I think I will always crave that love. But, I know that I would never ever have one. But if God wanted me to get married and have kids in the future. Who am I to not obey that?


 I have a lot of what if's in my mind. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I said yes to boys who courted me. What would've happened then? I don't know. I don't like saying things like "oh yes, he liked me." or "Him? Yeah. He used to court me before." I'd rather say "No ones interest." Like seriously. I have seen myself and if I was guy, I would not date myself either.

 Throughout my experience in heart break, due to the fact that the person I like, likes someone else. I have gave up on love and decided that I don't really need it. I am happily contented with whatever it is that I have right now. Fan girling over One Direction and basically anything that I do online. I am completely happy and enjoying myself. I'd rather serve God and entertain myself than have a guy love me but break my heart in the end or like someone who would not like me back.

 I actually pray to God that I could marry Harry Styles. And if that ever happens. DAAAMMMNNN